Belated Season's Greetings

Before we went home for Christmas, Mary and I made some cards. Here's this one.

And this one.

Frosty the Snowman

The most recent post on my friend's blog reminded me of something I wrote a while back. I like his better...

Frosty the Snowman is arrested during a goodwill mission to the USSR. Government officials board his train outside of Moscow while he sleeps in his private compartment. As faceless trench coats search the luggage a small man in an ill-fitting suit examines the visas and stamps of a creased passport through round horn-rimmed spectacles. “Mr. Niveus,” pronounce thin lips, “your visit to our country has been cancelled. You will come with us.” A black Volga idles at the far end of the station. Smoke from the driver’s cigarette swirls and dances and imperceptibly blends with that of the train’s coal heaters.

Hours later the steely pre-dawn silence is rent by screeching tires, and a blur, thrown from a passenger side window, scatters and finds focus on the stones of a public square. The Anatolian sun rises on a corncob pipe, an old top hat, a pair of wet gloves and a placard that reads ‘Shpion’.

Cossack Romanticism

Due to the ceaseless requests of my three fans to resume posting, and my procrastination in the face of graduate school applications, I now present a poem, which I composed in Sapphic meter. I had read nothing but novels about Cossacks and Cowboys in the months leading up to this, and they clearly tainted the color of my ink. Enjoy.

Grisha, brother, where is your horse? Upon warm-

Browed and snorting marvels you flashed like lightning.

Now, in place of steeds a machine with cold black

Oil in its steel veins.

Shod in rubber, clothed in exhaust, the sparks of

Life are just sparks. Clockwork alone feigns God’s great

Gift. My friend! Leave it by the wayside! Now, take

Back what has long passed!

Flesh and blood and glistening mane on four strong

Legs you drive. The damp earth is upturned by pared hooves.

Charging home, a whisper, a dream inscribes your

Soul with its birth-right.

Olympic "Sports"

I have long maintained that some sports just don't belong in the Olympics. Namely, any sport that requires a panel of judges that awards points based on style or artistry or anything else of that nature. I feel like it's a slippery slope. After all, almost any activity can be assessed by a panel of expert judges. Reality television has taught us nothing if not that. What's next? Ballroom dancing? Cake decorating? Hedge trimming?

I will be the first one to say that pretty much all of the sports currently in the Olympics, whose scoring is completely arbitrary, demand an incredible amount of skill and athleticism. But when it really comes down to it, there's no room for sequins in international athletic competition.

Letter from a Concerned Observer

Dear Mr. James Rat Esq.,

I just wanted to thank you for leaving hundreds of pounds of weights on the gym equipment day after day.  I really appreciate the amount of effort required to put those onerous discs into position.  Thank you for leaving them there for the next brute to come along and do two reps.  You are as considerate as your sleeves are long.  My only regret is that you and I will not long be fellow travelers on this terraqueous sphere, as your poor small heart will no doubt fail under the pressure of providing blood to the far reaches of that grotesque configuration of muscles you call a body.

Sincerely,

Humanity

Flash Fiction

I recently entered a flash fiction contest (fiction under 100 words) and I was selected as one of five finalists.  I didn't win the final round, but it was a good first go.  Check out the podcast next month to hear the story read aloud by someone else.  Here's my entry:

Our Heritage

Enrolled as continuing education students, Brigham Young and Karl Maeser are summoned to the Honor Code office.  Brigham is lectured to about integrity and faces probation.  Karl was detained by a previous commitment.  

There's my story in all its glory.

Word of the Day

execrable |ˈeksikrəbəl|adjectiveextremely bad or unpleasant : execrable cheap wine.

Places to Eat (or not)

One nice thing about living in Provo is the wide selection of restaurants that are constantly opening and closing and reopening.  I like to try out new places, and I figured that I should share my opinion with you, my three faithful readers.  Here's the rundown:

1) Ultimate Broiler and Grill: Greek Food- I love this place.  There is perhaps nothing better than reconstituted lamb slow-roasted by electric heating elements and then served in gyro form.  Geoff and I stumbled upon this place over the winter and ate there almost every week.  The place is never that busy so we think that we single-mouthedly have kept the place in business.  As far as I know it's the only Greek place in Provo/Orem, so if you need your fix it's the place to go.  I'm sure most of the food is pretty good, but I've only ever ordered the gyro and I want nothing else.  The restaurant is located on the east side of State St. in Orem just north of the library.  Go there now.

2) Poor Boys Barbeque- These guys opened up a while back in the space of the former Smart Cookie just southeast of campus.  It's one of those places that only has one menu item in three sizes.  The item is the pulled pork sandwich.  Since that is my favorite form of pork, I was pretty excited, but it was only okay.  I think they're trying to be the new J-Dawgs.  I can't fully endorse this establishment, but it's worth a shot.  

3) Ninja Express- Do not be deceived: it's a chinese restaurant.  I think that the whole ninja thing is either an attempt to cash in on the perceived college student 80s-throwback-fascination with ninjas, or an attempt to highlight how speedy their delivery is (yes, they deliver).  Now, simply from the location, you know that this place probably won't be around long.  It's on the second floor of the building that houses the Thai Ruby, a space that has been occupied by such failed ventures as El Azteca, Gold Medal Pizza, and the Mitt Romney campaign.  I decided to dine in, lest I have to tip the delivery guy.  I could go into extreme detail about why I don't like this place, but I won't.  Suffice it to say that a)they don't serve any appetizer-type food (i.e. no egg rolls, no pot-stickers), b) the entree was tiny and the sauce and veggies tasted canned, c) the combo cost me $8.  The only highlight was the juice drink that had real fruit in it.  That was it.  Stick with Panda Express.  There hasn't been awesome chinese food in Provo since Munchies closed.  Final verdict: you wouldn't want to eat there.

Word of the Day

aleatory |ˈālēəˌtôrē; ˈal-|adjectivedepending on the throw of a die or on chance; random.• relating to or denoting music or other forms of art involving elements of random choice (sometimes using statistical or computertechniques) during their composition, production, or performance.

Word of the Day

harridan |ˈharidn|nouna strict, bossy, or belligerent old woman : a bullying old harridan.

Word of the Day

persiflage |ˈpərsəˌflä zh |noun formallight and slightly contemptuous mockery or banter.

More from the Gospel of Peter and Molly

This gospel that I have discovered seems to be yielding more and more surprises.  Firstly, upon closer analysis the two main interlocutors in the logia are identified as Peter and Molly.  As far as I know, Molly is mentioned nowhere else in the Jewish/Christian corpus; be it canonical, apocryphal, or pseudepigraphic.  It even seems like the Peter here is not the Apostle, but someone else entirely.  Given this information I feel compelled to call this new gospel "The Gospel of Peter and Molly".  I hope you all approve.  Secondly, it would appear that this text is not merely a collection of sayings, but also includes a few narrative vignettes.  These brief accounts generally portray conversations that Jesus has with figures other than Peter and Molly.  Although these portions differ somewhat from the other sayings I have numbered them among the logia for the sake of continuity.  The logion that I'm sharing with you today has some very striking similarities with Mark 10:17-22, even matching the text exactly in some places.

Logion 3: "And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?  And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.  Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Honor thy father and mother.  And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these things have I observed from my youth.  Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, acquire great riches, buy a boat for thyself and fine clothing for thy wife: and come, let me borrow thy horse when I need to make long journeys.  And he was happy at that saying, and went away rejoicing: for his father-in-law had an excellent job waiting for him."

Enlightening!

Word of the Day

epigone |ˈepiˌgōn|noun ( pl. epigones |ˈepiˌgōnz| or epigoni |iˈpigəˌnī|)a less distinguished follower or imitator of someone, esp. an artist or philosopher : the epigone's habit of exaggerating his master's voice.

Word of the Day

strake |strāk|noun1 a continuous line of planking or plates from the stem to the stern of a ship or boat.2 a protruding ridge fitted to an aircraft or other structure to improveaerodynamic stability.ORIGIN Middle English : from Anglo-Latin stracus, straca; probably from the Germanic base of the verb stretch .

New Gospel Discovered!

As you, the three readers of this blog, are aware, I am involved in research of the NT and related topics.  Well, during one of my forays into BYU's special collections vault I came across a very old and yet unpublished manuscript written in an obscure Utardic dialect.  It contains a number of sayings of Jesus (see Gospel of Thomas) that I believe are particularly interesting to an LDS audience.  The text has no title to speak of, so in the edition that I will publish it will be called "The Gospel of the Mormons".  Here is one of the logia that I have translated most recently.

Logion 32:  "Peter said to Jesus: 'Lord, how are we to overcome our enemies and receive the inheritance laid aside for us?'  Jesus answered: 'I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.'"

As you can see, there are some serious doctrinal implications.  More to come...

Word of the Day

Gibbon never disappoints.

demesne |diˈmān|noun historical1 land attached to a manor and retained for the owner's own use.• the lands of an estate.• archaic a region or domain : she may one day queen it over that fair demesne.2 historical Law possession of real property in one's own right.PHRASESheld in demesne (of an estate) occupied by the owner, not by tenants.ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French demeine (later Anglo-Norman French demesne) ‘belonging to a lord,’ from Latindominicus, from dominus ‘lord, master.’ Compare with domain .

Word of the Day

Hegira |hiˈjīrə; ˈhejərə| (also Hejira or Hijra |ˈhijrə|)nounMuhammad's departure from Mecca to Medina in ad 622, prompted by the opposition of the merchants of Mecca and marking the consolidation of the first Muslim community.• the Muslim era reckoned from this date : the second century of the Hegira. See also AH .• ( hegira) an exodus or migration.ORIGIN via medieval Latin from Arabic hijra ‘departure,’ from hajara‘emigrate.’

Hike #6 - Cascade Saddle Redux

Bright and early on the 4th of July some friends and I hiked to Cascade Saddle.  Last year I hiked to the same destination, but started at Rock Canyon.  This time we started at the Big Springs trailhead in the south fork of Provo Canyon.  I'm not exactly sure how long the hike is.  The various sources I've checked seem to disagree, but it's somewhere between 9 and 12 miles roundtrip.  The trail starts off easy enough, but before long it gets steep and rocky.  However, there was plenty of shade along the way.  Once you get to the top there's a nice view of the valley as well as some of the other nearby peaks.  You can also hike along the ridges to the north or south, but there aren't really any trails.  

Words of the Day

exiguous |igˈzigyoōəs; ikˈsig-|adjective formalvery small in size or amount : my exiguous musical resources.
desuetude |ˈdeswiˌt(y)oōd|noun formala state of disuse : the docks fell into desuetude.

Words of the Day

I've got two of them for you today:

ratiocinate |ˌratēˈōsəˌnāt; ˌra sh ē-|verb [ intrans. ] formalform judgments by a process of logic; reason.
opprobrious |əˈprōbrēəs|adjective(of language) expressing opprobrium.• disgraceful; shameful : their opprobrious conduct.