Cossack Romanticism

Due to the ceaseless requests of my three fans to resume posting, and my procrastination in the face of graduate school applications, I now present a poem, which I composed in Sapphic meter. I had read nothing but novels about Cossacks and Cowboys in the months leading up to this, and they clearly tainted the color of my ink. Enjoy.

Grisha, brother, where is your horse? Upon warm-

Browed and snorting marvels you flashed like lightning.

Now, in place of steeds a machine with cold black

Oil in its steel veins.

Shod in rubber, clothed in exhaust, the sparks of

Life are just sparks. Clockwork alone feigns God’s great

Gift. My friend! Leave it by the wayside! Now, take

Back what has long passed!

Flesh and blood and glistening mane on four strong

Legs you drive. The damp earth is upturned by pared hooves.

Charging home, a whisper, a dream inscribes your

Soul with its birth-right.

Olympic "Sports"

I have long maintained that some sports just don't belong in the Olympics. Namely, any sport that requires a panel of judges that awards points based on style or artistry or anything else of that nature. I feel like it's a slippery slope. After all, almost any activity can be assessed by a panel of expert judges. Reality television has taught us nothing if not that. What's next? Ballroom dancing? Cake decorating? Hedge trimming?

I will be the first one to say that pretty much all of the sports currently in the Olympics, whose scoring is completely arbitrary, demand an incredible amount of skill and athleticism. But when it really comes down to it, there's no room for sequins in international athletic competition.

Letter from a Concerned Observer

Dear Mr. James Rat Esq.,

I just wanted to thank you for leaving hundreds of pounds of weights on the gym equipment day after day.  I really appreciate the amount of effort required to put those onerous discs into position.  Thank you for leaving them there for the next brute to come along and do two reps.  You are as considerate as your sleeves are long.  My only regret is that you and I will not long be fellow travelers on this terraqueous sphere, as your poor small heart will no doubt fail under the pressure of providing blood to the far reaches of that grotesque configuration of muscles you call a body.

Sincerely,

Humanity

Flash Fiction

I recently entered a flash fiction contest (fiction under 100 words) and I was selected as one of five finalists.  I didn't win the final round, but it was a good first go.  Check out the podcast next month to hear the story read aloud by someone else.  Here's my entry:

Our Heritage

Enrolled as continuing education students, Brigham Young and Karl Maeser are summoned to the Honor Code office.  Brigham is lectured to about integrity and faces probation.  Karl was detained by a previous commitment.  

There's my story in all its glory.

Word of the Day

execrable |ˈeksikrəbəl|adjectiveextremely bad or unpleasant : execrable cheap wine.

Places to Eat (or not)

One nice thing about living in Provo is the wide selection of restaurants that are constantly opening and closing and reopening.  I like to try out new places, and I figured that I should share my opinion with you, my three faithful readers.  Here's the rundown:

1) Ultimate Broiler and Grill: Greek Food- I love this place.  There is perhaps nothing better than reconstituted lamb slow-roasted by electric heating elements and then served in gyro form.  Geoff and I stumbled upon this place over the winter and ate there almost every week.  The place is never that busy so we think that we single-mouthedly have kept the place in business.  As far as I know it's the only Greek place in Provo/Orem, so if you need your fix it's the place to go.  I'm sure most of the food is pretty good, but I've only ever ordered the gyro and I want nothing else.  The restaurant is located on the east side of State St. in Orem just north of the library.  Go there now.

2) Poor Boys Barbeque- These guys opened up a while back in the space of the former Smart Cookie just southeast of campus.  It's one of those places that only has one menu item in three sizes.  The item is the pulled pork sandwich.  Since that is my favorite form of pork, I was pretty excited, but it was only okay.  I think they're trying to be the new J-Dawgs.  I can't fully endorse this establishment, but it's worth a shot.  

3) Ninja Express- Do not be deceived: it's a chinese restaurant.  I think that the whole ninja thing is either an attempt to cash in on the perceived college student 80s-throwback-fascination with ninjas, or an attempt to highlight how speedy their delivery is (yes, they deliver).  Now, simply from the location, you know that this place probably won't be around long.  It's on the second floor of the building that houses the Thai Ruby, a space that has been occupied by such failed ventures as El Azteca, Gold Medal Pizza, and the Mitt Romney campaign.  I decided to dine in, lest I have to tip the delivery guy.  I could go into extreme detail about why I don't like this place, but I won't.  Suffice it to say that a)they don't serve any appetizer-type food (i.e. no egg rolls, no pot-stickers), b) the entree was tiny and the sauce and veggies tasted canned, c) the combo cost me $8.  The only highlight was the juice drink that had real fruit in it.  That was it.  Stick with Panda Express.  There hasn't been awesome chinese food in Provo since Munchies closed.  Final verdict: you wouldn't want to eat there.

Word of the Day

aleatory |ˈālēəˌtôrē; ˈal-|adjectivedepending on the throw of a die or on chance; random.• relating to or denoting music or other forms of art involving elements of random choice (sometimes using statistical or computertechniques) during their composition, production, or performance.